Current Book Status:
Chapters Written: 8 and done!
Chapters Typed: 5
Chapter Currently in Progress: Chapter Five: Geek Troubleshooting
Chapters Edited: 2
Chapters in Submission for editing: 0 –Has decided to send everything at once since my editor is busy finishing up another fellow friends’ work.
I find my timing for this week’s writing projects in proper line with what has happened to me in my personal life this week. Although there is a big chunk of it that I cannot share due to a legal gag order and other personal and legal ramifications. But I can say this:
I said and did things wrongly against some people close to me. I screwed up big time.
But one of the things I had written about also this week, is what you need to do when you screw up. I’m not going to share them all, but I will share the ones important to this week’s confessions.
First: Man up. Don’t run away. By running away it makes you look even more in the wrong. By at least taking responsibility for your actions, the angered parties should at least give you credit for not being a coward. Although I cannot share with them what is going on, I accept full responsibility for my actions for they were wrong no matter what my reasons are. And although it was in my right to run away and not look back, I didn’t and I have no intention to. They may send me away, but I did not run.
Second: Don’t take anything back. Don’t even try. If you try to take back what you said and did, you just look even worse. Utilize the first principle and the ones after this one.
Third: Allow whomever you have wronged to be mad. Don’t devalue their emotions. The people I wronged, have every right to be mad. But as much as I wish I could make them hate me less, they have to come to that on their own terms and I cannot control nor do I wish to devalue it. I rightfully earned their anger and displeasure so I expect it fully and allow them to be angry. Sometimes this unfortunately means that you and the offended parties may have to wait a while to have a reasonable conversation but if that’s what it takes, so be it.
Fourth: Whatever punishment is to come, accept it with no complaints or arguments. When you are in the wrong, you don’t get a say in what is to become of you. So whatever is the result of your actions, accept it regardless of what you may think of it. Some people may call this a defeatist place to take, but I see this as karma.
Fifth: If it’s a situation where you can make amends, strive to make them. If it is not possible, then do your best to at least separate on respectable terms. This is important, but comes in two parts. On the one hand, it’s important that if you can make amends, then it is your mission to spend day and night to make that possible. But however, you may not be able to make amends. This could be because a clean break is the only answer, or you may not be willing to make amends. Or it could even be that the offended party doesn’t wish to make amends.
If that is the case, then it is in your best interests, to separate at least in a respectable fashion. So that if you were to cross paths in life again, at least you can nod in respect to each other and keep emotions out of things. And even if you never cross paths again, at least you and the offended parties know where everyone stands and at least you can move on with your lives with no bitter taste in the mouth. Bitterness solves nothing, and spreads like cancer to other people in your life who don’t deserve it. By parting on respectable terms, you at least resolve everything, and don’t let bitterness take root.
Sixth: Understand, that you are not perfect. You are going to make mistakes. But if you don’t learn from them, then you will fail. Many of the reasons things went wrong, was that I was truly unhappy with an array of things, on top a few other issues that were not within my control. When it all came down, I was so frustrated, unhappy and felt like I had no other way out. And so I lashed out. Was it the right way to do things? No. But I have learned from these screw ups, and if given the chance to be better I shall. If not, I will respectfully bow out and move on. There is a saying, that you either are a part of the problem or part of the solution. Although I wish to be a part of the solution, if it is not meant to be, then I will respect and accept all the consequences of my actions. I will learn from this, and I move forward.
So now I sit here, and write and leave my fate in the hands of the offended party. Whatever the final decision is, I stay resolute in following these lessons until resolved. But in writing my advice, I share this with all of you fellow geeks, in hopes that if you are ever in a situation gone wrong, at least you have a good foundation in what to do when you screw up.
So the big lesson and confession: Surprise! Nobody’s perfect, for even the writer can make epic mistakes. But what you choose to do after the mistake, defines whether you will make the same mistake twice and whether or not you will be forgiven.
This is a lesson that all writers, readers and geeks should take to heart.
See you next week.